My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
