I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
