What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
