Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
