you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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