Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize