did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
