New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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