When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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