I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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