I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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