what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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