Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
