At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
