I am in a vortex of obligation.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
