If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
