we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
