Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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