Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
