I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
