Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
