i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
