Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
