I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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