Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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