You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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