I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
