the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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