you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
