at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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