Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
