i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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