She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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