he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
