A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We left an ass print on the piano.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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