can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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