he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
