...so i touched it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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