Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
