I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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