No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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