Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
