the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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