how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
