so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
