i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
third nipple confirmed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
