Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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