I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
be right there i have to get my cape
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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