remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
