sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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