Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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