ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
