I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
