Your dad touched me again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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