Say something about gay babies.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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