He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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