I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
