I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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