after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
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He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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