just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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