I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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