I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
