just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
