I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
