break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
