She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
