Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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