hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
