last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
