I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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