I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
